Many parents would say that kids today are self-centered,
overindulged, and not very interested in the world outside of themselves. We may
not realize it, but parents have been saying this for a very long time — at
least as far back as Greece's golden age, when Plato and Aristotle similarly lamented
the behavior of the youth of their age.
We can take comfort in the fact that our kids aren’t the
world’s first self-centered generation — and that they can learn to be more
thoughtful of others. Now, what part can we play in that learning process? Helping
others is more than an action; it calls for a caring attitude, an awareness of
need, and a willingness to serve others. These are all attributes that kids can
develop with a little guidance — and practice.
We have many chances to encourage our kids to help others.
Start when they're young: even preschoolers can be taught to offer toys to
other kids or to help pick up clutter around the house. Early training lays the
groundwork; as they get used to looking beyond themselves and caring about what’s
going on around them, they’ll come to enjoy taking an active role in doing good
things for others.
When to
do it
While grocery shopping or running errands or just out and
about
What to
do
The idea behind the Help Detective is to help kids notice
others in need and those who are helping them, and to begin to offer help themselves.
It is best played in short stretches and in many different situations, so you
expose your kids to the range of ways we all can help one another.
Some basic ground rules:
1. Players
get one point each time they see, and point out, someone doing something
helpful.
2. Rewards
are good motivators for beginning learners. When they accumulate a certain
amount of points — say, on a shopping trip — you can provide a small reward at
the end for noticing all the ways folks helped others that day. For example:
* You can
set a goal of 5 or 10 “Help Detective” points before your kids earn a reward.
*If you
are playing with several kids, you can set up a little competition and reward
the one with the most points (provide a handicap for the younger ones to level
out the playing field).
*You can
set up different reward levels for things kids point out than for things they actually
do for you or others.
3. If your
kids become overly enthusiastic and push the limits by offering to “help you” (just for the reward) too often, or
perhaps in ways that are not true to your values, take the opportunity to talk
about what it looks like to truly give help — no strings attached — and according
to your values.
Ideas to help your kids get started:
· Did you
see someone holding a door open for another person? That’s one point!
· Did you
spot someone retrieving an item from a high shelf for someone who can’t reach
it? Good for one point!
· Did you
see the grocery bagger help the women with her cart out to her car?
· Did you
see someone clean up a spill in the aisle?
· Did you
see someone pick up an empty paper cup and put it in the garbage bin?
· Kids can
also score points in the game by doing something helpful for you—such as
carrying a small bag of groceries—and pointing it out.
In addition to helping kids become more aware of
opportunities for helping others, this activity also encourages them to
practice those small kindnesses that enrich our lives every day — and to
experience the good feeling that brings, as well as the reward.
What you
will need
Notebook to keep track of “helper” points
Reward items
Talk
about it
After you complete a round of the Help Detective game, ask
you kids what they learned. Was it hard to find examples of people helping
others? Are there particular things they really like to do as a way to help
others? Are there things they do not like to do when being asked to help
others? Why?