Some kids are born with a
tendency to be impulsive; others are born better able to not give in to
temptation. Studies have shown that kids who learn self-discipline early in
life are more positive, self-motivated, determined in the face of difficulties,
and able to delay gratification in the pursuit of their goals. Conversely, kids
who do not master self-discipline are more troubled, inflexible, and indecisive,
and less self-confident as adults.
If we want our kids to develop
better self-control, we parents have to control our own tendency to protect or
indulge them; instead, we can help them learn to wait their turn, delay
gratification, and resist temptation.
How can we do this? One way is by
modeling how to wait. If we can keep our cool by patiently waiting to pay the
bridge toll, or calmly standing in a long line at the bank, our kids will begin
to imitate this patient behavior in similar circumstances. Another way to teach
our kids the art of waiting is by guiding them through their own “patience
practice” in their everyday activities.
When to do it
After
school for one week
What to do
1. Jot down
two or three situations in which your kids can practice delaying gratification:
completing a task before moving on to a desired activity, understanding and
accepting when a desired purchase must be postponed, or controlling an impulse
when it’s not appropriate. Here are some examples to get your thinking started:
· Finishing
dinner before getting dessert
· Being
very quiet while you are on the phone
· Not
eating breakfast until dressed for school
· Finishing
homework without an extended break
· Brushing
teeth before getting to read a bedtime story
· Not
buying sneakers until they go on sale or are really needed
2. Select
one area to practice with each of your kids. The idea is to have them try and
master the new behavior. An honest effort counts, even if they need a few
attempts before they succeed. (That’s why it’s called practice!)
3. Set up a
simple worksheet like this one to keep track of their progress and consider
posting it on the fridge or another favorite spot where everyone can see their progress.
Name
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday
Friday Saturday Sunday
4. Explain
to your kids how the exercise will work, which days you will be doing it on,
and what specifically you are expecting of them.
5. If you
are practicing an activity that involves improving wait time, when they begin
their exercise you can mark the start time and see how they do. You can use a
timer to see how long can they can wait without a break and record how long
they were able to wait on their tracking sheet. If all goes well, their waiting
ability will increase substantially by the end of the week.
6. If you
are practicing completing tasks before moving on to another activity, you can
monitor progress on the tracking sheet with a few metrics: “Good effort,” “Almost
there,” Able to wait!” For example, your kid may be holding on, bursting with
what she wants to say, and not quite able to wait until your phone call is
over. You mark “Good effort” on the worksheet and let her know she’ll have more
opportunities to show she can wait through the whole call.
7. By the
end of the week we suggest you reward your kids for their efforts by making a
favorite dinner, going to the movies, or another desired activity they help to
choose.
Bonus
1. Take
time to examine your own level of self-control.
2. Select
two or three areas in which you could practice delayed gratification and
patience, such as waiting in a long line, being kept on hold by customer
service, or being delayed in a traffic jam.
3. As you
find yourself in these settings, be conscious of how patient you are or are not
being.
4. By
developing your own self-control, you can not only ease your own stress and
frustration but also set a better example for your kids.
What you will need
Paper/Pencil
Timer
Worksheet to track and record
results
Talk About It
How did your kids like the
exercise? Was it hard to do? Did anything make it easier as the week went on?
Do they want to try it again with another activity? Why or why not?
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